“Before you marry a person you should make first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.'“
— Will Ferrell
“We weren’t very religious. On Hanukkah, my mother had our menorah on a dimmer.”
— Richard Lewis
“If God had really intended man to fly, He’d make it easier to get to the airport.
— Jonathan Winters
“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.”
- Larry David
CALLING ALL AWARD-WINNING INVESTIGATIVE REPORTERS! Send your tips to firstname.lastname@example.org.