"A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says, ‘Hey, polar bear! What’ll ya have?’ Polar bear says, ‘Well, I’ll have a gin………… And tonic.’ Bartender asks, ‘What’s with the big pause?’ Polar bear holds up his arms. ‘I dunno. I was born with ’em.”
— Kal Penn
“Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
— Neil Gaiman
"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.”
— Jay Leno
“I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out of Order’ sign, only ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs’.”
— Mitch Hedberg
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