Just in time for tonight's semi-final, our free, 60-page companion guide is exactly what marketing bods would call "the perfect second screen experience".
Full profiles of all the songs, gossip from the press centre in Stockholm and more analysis than you ever realised you needed â€“ impress your mates with our trivia, theory and cruel observations!
And we fully recommend you catch the semi finals, where a lot of the more spectacular stuff gets culled...
>> Semi Final One â€“ Tonight <<
* Revel in San Marino's Eurotrash lounge lizard disco act!
* Marvel at Croatia's frocky horror show!
* Watch with bated breath to see if the Russian guy falls off the stage as badly as he did in rehearsals!
>> Semi Final Two â€“ Thursday <<
* See a naked Belarusian fondle a live wolf!
* Hear the hybrid child of Sam Smith and Phil Oakey represent Israel!
* Await John Whittingdale's about-turn on Brexit and the BBC when he sees the Bulgaria's dominatrix outfit!