Rubberbandits back in London from 18 Oct for just 10 shows. £2.50 off all tickets if you quote FELLAS. Tickets from £10.
"Can't help noticing that world peace hasn't been made yet" - Lauren Harries

02.10.14 ISSUE 709

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* Barack Eyed Peas
* Celebrity Parasites
* Charts: Meghan Trainor is new no 1

>> Looking the same <<
Black goes with everything

We got a nice email from MN2S talent agency today, offering us their football clients for bookings, including Andy Cole, Clarke Carlisle, Peter Schmeichel and Dwight Yorke.

To illustrate it there are photos of Andy Cole, Clarke Carlise and Peter Schmeichel. And another photo of Andy Cole to represent Dwight Yorke.
Here's the photo.

FYI: You can also book Ken Barlow through the same company.

tbnhg writes: "Poor old Kelly Brook, unlucky in love again. Hopefully she'll eventually find a partner to keep, like Simon Cowell and George Clooney have".

>> Rating Gay Tings <<
Lack of pride in USA

You'll have seen the posters of Pride adorning tube stations around London. It's a quaint British comedy about a group of gay and lesbian activists trying to raise money for the families involved in the 1984 miners' strike. It's been rated 15 in the UK and much admired in the Daily Mail. So why has it been rated NC-17 in the US - the rating reserved only for the most extreme films? There is a glimpse of a gay porno magazine but it's in an obviously comic context (as in 'funny', not as in 'Batman bumming Superman').

We guess in America, you're allowed to watch people's penises being ripped off (Hostel: Part II was rated R, the certificate below NC-17), but you're not allowed to see a static picture of one enjoying itself.

Best named team in UK football? In the Maccabi Southern Football League... Boca Jewniors.

>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?

Which ex-footballer was almost on the front page of the tabloids last month for playing away from home? Perhaps the paper decided not to print it because his wife is known throughout the game as such a gold-digger?

Celena from the Honeyz' boyfriend is a Michael Jackson impersonator.

>> Appy Talk <<
Brand new issue OUT NOW

Issue 8 of Popbitch Magazine is now available in Apple, Amazon and Google stores. This fortnight's edition features 25 brand new pages of gossip, media insight and other nonsense, including:

* Chris Brown: Could he be the New 2Pac?
* We sign up for Sarah Palin TV
* Iggy and J-Lo: The 2014 Cheeky Girls
* The Curse Of Tiger Woods: How golf got to be so white
Plus Celebrity swearing, Canadian Kung Fu, the most terrifying doll you'll ever see and more for just £1.49...

Download for iPhone/iPad (Apple)

Download for Android (Google)

Download for Kindle (Amazon) 
Want to try before you buy? Try this from the most recent issue: The Deception Inception – Why is everyone trying their hand at media hoaxes? 

>> Celebrity parasites <<
Part 53: The man with no name

When Billy Zane was making a recent movie, he had a small entourage with him to keep him company. There was one bloke who hung around the whole time, no-one really knew what he did. One day a producer asked the man for his surname so they could put him on the call sheet for the next day. The mystery man's reply? "I'm in between surnames."

Wondered what Scouting for Girls were up to these days? Enjoying the £2 pint deals in Harrow's Trinity Bar this week, that's what!

>> It's not easy being Green << 
Extreme fishing for compliments

Robson Green has been humble-bragging his way into the Radio Times this week, with his (entirely admirable) comments about tax-avoidance: 

"These fuckers who try to avoid it should hang their heads in shame. That comedian. What's his name? Carr? Wanker... I'm proud to be a 50% tax-payer, very proud of it." 

He can't help it if all those billions earned from Unchained Melody, Extreme Fishing and Soldier, Soldier have pushed him into a bracket that fellow celebrities like Barlow and Moyles wish to avoid. 

So well done Robson, for standing up to that lot and actually doing what you're supposed to do. (Although you might wish to ask your accountant why you're paying 50% tax when the government did away with it last year.)

RIP Lynsey de Paul. It was of course her suitcase that Sharon Osbourne famously pissed in.

>> Barack Eyed Peas <<
How won the election  

Rarely a week goes by when you can't find a chucklesome interview with somewhere in the media. But this week something extraordinary happened. It wasn't Mr who sounded utterly ridiculous, it was his interviewer:

Apparently Barack Obama became President of the USA because of 


"... his influence is monumental. In 2008, played a defining role in Barack Obama's election campaign, by turning the now President’s concession speech in the New Hampshire presidential primary into a song: Yes We Can. After the song was released on February 23, 2008, Obama, who was trailing behind Hillary Clinton, took the lead in the election race."

And which politically gauche celebrity or music magazine threw up this gem?

The Telegraph. Once, Britain's broadsheet newspaper of record.

Tory Conference Speaker of the Week: Chief Executive of Basildon and Thurrock NHS Trust is... Clare Panniker!

>> Dr Fox and the crabs <<
Remember, it's scientific fact

We were sad to see that the DJ best known to us for asking some of his girlfriends to say "Gimme the honey, Foxy!" at the appropriate time was arrested this week. And then we remembered his appearance on Brass Eye and thought maybe there was such a thing as karma.


Bruce Forsyth (born Feb 1928) is five months older than sliced bread (July 1928).

>> Cockwatching <<
Not so humble Bragg

 __________  writes:

"I had a piss next to Billy Bragg. His penis looked decent enough, quite neat and tidy. There was one of those awful toilet attendants there, and the champagne socialist accepted his soap and hand towels. He didn't tip."

UKIP's press coverage has been pretty muted this week. Is it related to their conference media reception having a pay bar?

>> Hmms <<
Video, Styles, Leech

Video Nastiness – What David Cameron's new rules mean for music videos:

Hurrah, we're not paying for Rebekah Brooks' legal costs!

Album worth listening to:

Leech v worm:

Australian TV - the chunder down under:

Ever wanted Harry Styles in your mouth?

Sinead O'Connor's nicely-titled new album "I'm Not Bossy, I'm The Boss" looks good. Nice new single. 

Thanks to: chablis, bobbifleckmann, PD, GO, SG, mountstnobody, stinky, monstris, JC, TM, abominablehoman, deep_stoat

Old Jokes Home
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere!

Still Bored?
We fact-checked Sadie Frost's new book:

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