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Encouraging people to evolve and create new opportunities at any age.
You cannot say “Yes” ,  if you cannot also say “No”

AKA: â€œYou’ve got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them….”

Frequently I encourage clients to find new and varying activities to enhance joy in their lives. Unfortunately, while there are ample opportunities in our community to link with others, to engage in meaningful dialogues, to learn new skills, etc., some people are afraid to try them.  I frequently hear “I’m afraid to volunteer there.  What if I don’t like it?  Then, I’m stuck!” 

Compare this to the attitude of a man I met recently at Heathcote Botanical Gardens, where I was teaching a class in hypertufa.  He helped me unload the supplies from my car (I can manage all of them except the 50-pound bag of cement!).  As we worked, he told me that while Heathcote appreciated his work and would like to have him there more often. â€œI know that two days is just the right amount of time.  More than that would be too much like a job.  I enjoy other activities during the rest of the week."
"I enjoy volunteering other places on my other days off.”  He talked about the various projects and connections he has made – very carefully – since his wife’s death.  It was readily apparent that he felt quite comfortable managing his time in ways that felt just right for him.

A good poker player knows you don't have to bet on every hand you're dealt.  Sometimes, it's wise to hold them – considering carefully if the combination of cards will be a winning hand.  Sometimes, it’s wise to fold – to say “no thanks” to those cards. It's a winning strategy in poker and an important one for a balanced, happy life.

I'm amazed how easy it is to get into a rut - even with pleasant activities.  Last December, I decided I didn't want to play golf again until April.  I like to play golf - especially with some special friends, who were disappointed with my decision.  But, I noticed I was lacking something - what I think of as "zestful flavoring."  My days off were routinely spent playing golf or tennis (note the use of the word "routine").  I hadn't been to the beach or gone kayaking or hiking, for example.  Now, after time away from my routine, I look forward to playing golf again - with renewed enthusiasm. 

So, I encourage you to take time on a regular basis to assess your lifestyle.  Does it provide ample opportunities for enrichment?  If not, search for some new activities to try.  Remember, when you say “yes” to new challenges and opportunities – you can also say “no” if you decide they aren’t a good match for you.  
Are you stuck with no clues to activities and goals that might bring you joy and fulfillment? 

The Pages addressed this important dilemma in Eavesdropping.  Here is an exercise that may be helpful to you.  It’s similar to an interview developed by Dr. Edie Donohue, one of the Pages.  You can see her bio on the website or in our book.  If you'd like to pursue this subject in more depth, you can reach Dr. Brown through the website and discuss it more fully with her. 

Click here to open Remaing Relevant Worksheet
Just as I am composing this newsletter, I received an e-mail from David Swindall, M.Div., LMFT, President of Florida Society of Clinical Hypnosis.  He wrote: “I like the idea of changing direction and focus… Looking at something differently allows for different results. Roger Bannister looked at breaking the four-minute mile. He began to look at the four-minute mile differently, breaking it down into seconds. He then broke the four-minute mile, as did several others within a few months.”
Join the conversation….

Your thoughts and comments are welcomed- send your emails to: info@kendrabrownphd.com

Future Events


The Dr. is in…the Garden:
Hypertufa Workshops at various locations including McKee and Heathcote Botanical Gardens 

 
Visit the website for details about future events:  www.kendrabrownphd.com.  

We’d love for you to attend. Events Page
 
Copyright © 2016 Kendra Brown, Ph.D, All rights reserved.


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