lower east side dwellers / loʊr ist saɪd dwelə(r)s / n. pl. people who inhabit the L.E.S. and have organized against the declining quality of life and decimation of culture resulting from the over-saturation of nightlife-driven businesses, particularly in the geographical area of Hell Square. See Hell Square.
hell square / hÄ•l skwÃ¢r / n. 1. the portion of the L.E.S. from Houston to Delancey Street, and from Essex to Allen Street, especially during the evening hours. 2. one of the most nightlife over-saturated districts on the East Coast of the United States. See tacky, suburban boozy theme park. See rude, obnoxious, rowdy, transient drunks. See intolerable noise, vomit, and urine on doorsteps and store fronts.
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? WILL THE REAL SOHO HOUSE PLEASE STAND UP? I REPEAT, WILL THE REAL SOHO HOUSE PLEASE STAND UP? PLEASE STAND UP?
L.E.S. dwellers scream NO MEANS NO to the 1,800 love letters sent to selected residents on the L.E.S. extolling the virtues of the Soho House franchise and its "inclusive" nature, bringing the creative locals together. Only a certain "public" is welcomed, the rest will be left outside on the street with the riffraff who overtake our neighborhood Wednesday night through Sunday morning. So, if you are a "creative local", wannabe jet setter, member of the upward mobile tech-set, part of the sanctioned intelligentsia, wealthy, or just simply beautiful your membership application has been approved. The rest of the "public" need not apply. The Sex in the City era ended in 2004. What you are selling Soho House, the L.E.S. is not buying. Keep it in the Meatpacking!
Ludlow Street between Rivington and Stanton is deemed over-saturated, therefore Soho House most prove PUBLIC BENEFIT in order to be granted a liquor license.
There exists already 30+ liquor licenses within a 500ft radius of Soho House's proposed front door, including the notoriously problematic venues of Libation, Pianos, Co-Op/THOR, Fat Baby, DL, Spitzer's Corner, Tammany Hall, Bulgarian Bar, Los Feliz, not to mention the places close by which are slightly outside the 500 ft radius ie The Thompson L.E.S., Element and Hotel Chantelle.
Soho House will transform 139 Ludlow from a space with no liquor license into a fully licensed one, ripe for a mega-club to slip in after Soho House has taken what they want and abandoned the space for the next "hot neighborhood."
Soho House may or may not bring the same clientele as the rest of the bars and clubs on the block, but they will bring more people to our already crowded small streets, and at 4AM add a few hundred more to the thousands of drunk and disrespectful patrons dumped onto our streets, sidewalks and doorsteps simultaneously.
The environmental and cultural impact of Soho House opening on the L.E.S.will add directly and cumulatively to noise, traffic, parking, public safety, waste and pollution problems we already contend with daily as a community.
In a community already suffering from the over-development of nightlife, reliant on a transient crowd, which has resulted in lack of retail diversity and daytime businesses, SoHo House offers neither a public benefit nor a better alternative:
It will not encourage daytime traffic to help the few struggling businesses left.
It will not encourage the development of businesses or services not related to nightlife, which our community desperately needs.
Similar to the existing venues, profits will be driven by night-time food and beverage sales.
Soho House will rely on a transient crowd that has no vested interest in our community other than exploiting it's perceived "anything goes" nightlife reputation that has earned the the area it's nickname, "Hell Square".
Contrary to their "mission", it is unlikely locals will make up the largest percentage of membership. In fact, the majority of locals will be excluded by choice, financial circumstance, or by not meeting the Soho House measure of what makes a "creative local."
If Soho House is granted a liquor license, the same Meatpacking-plague unleashed in 2003, will infect and eradicate what little quality of life and culture is left on the Lower East Side. Simply, Soho House offers our community nada, zilch, nothing. Don't let them convince you otherwise.
Q&A L.E.S. DWELLERS SPEAK OUT ABOUT SOHO HOUSE'S CERTIFIED LETTER INVITING RESIDENTS TO TOUR
You say you weren't invited to a preview tour of the latest "douchebag" playground trying to creep into our neighborhood? We were! Read the short Q&A about it with the L.E.S. dwellers.
"In a turbulent economic environment, there’s an appeal to be looked after and treated like you’re important. Refuge and comfort and membership among like-minded people is very appealing right now,” says Euan. (Founding Member of Soho House)
Alleged "creep" is majority shareholder in Soho House, owning 69%. Google all things Burkle: "Prostitution, Air F&$@ One, Vati-Con, Pedophile Friends, Corruption, Greed, Model Stalker, Deception, Lawsuits, Abusive, Bill Clinton's Ex-BFF, NY Real Estate Buying Spree"
Looks like Daddy War-burkle wants a new place to quench his "insatiable thirst for models and young girls", and if he and his rich cronies and lobbyists gets their way, Soho House LES may be just the place to satisfy his needs.
SOHO HOUSE IS JUST ANOTHER MEGA CLUB. THE DOOR POLICY? AN ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP. JUST BUY YOURSELF IN.
It is foolish to think the Soho House L.E.S. will be anything different than what it is everywhere else in the world, a mega private nightclub for the rich, shameless, and tasteless. A leopard can't change its spots...
Photos: Soho House Meatpacking
SOHO HOUSE STYLE
On the private Soho House tour, where we were not solicited for opinion, rather we were introduced to the plans already in the works, Soho House representatives painted a picture of a peaceful rooftop garden replete with oversize trees, chaise lounges, and a wood burning stove churning out "handcrafted" pizzas. Keep your handcrafted pizza SoHo House, a slice from Rosario's will do just fine.
Soho House L.E.S. may be sans pool, but don't be fooled into thinking the rooftop isn't where the party will be on a warm spring and summer night. Not to mention the private events rooftop style?
Oh, and what does a rooftop party sound like when unwanted establishments decide to set down their destructive roots and open their doors to everyone except the actual residents? Look here: Rooftop Pandemonium On The L.E.S.
Photos: Soho House Meatpacking Rooftop by Day and Theme Party by Night
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
Rival gangs of frat boys, sororisluts, suburbanite wannabes, tramps with stamps, and bridge & tunnel douchebags converge on our streets, and a bloody turf war ensues between residents and the drug and alcohol-fueled gangs. If Soho House comes, new gangs arrive with them-Jimmy Choo stiletto girls, newly minted tech-set, B-list models, I-bankers disguised in Thomas Pink and Gucci loafers, trust fund wannabe hipsters, expense account ad men, label whores, and Eurotrash. Our streets will become bloodier and messier than it already is, with the residents further outmatched by the increasingly uncontrollable mobs.
HELL NO SOHO HOUSE
The L.E.S. will officially become the "Eastpacking", unless we as a community do something about it. We can choose to remain silent and compliant, marking our doors with black crosses in anticipation of the Soho House virus incubating at 139 Ludlow Street. Or we can rise up and fight back.
The price we will pay as a community is too high to remain silent. In Los Angeles, the community around Soho House Hollywood tried to keep them out but lost to big money and lobbyists. The neighborhood didn't want them but they forced themselves on them anyway. Expect that same consideration when they come here. Maybe Soho House needs to feel resistance New York style? This ain't Hollywood, this is the L.E.S.
We have a legally enforceable right to a quality of living, adequate for the health and well-being of ourselves, our families and our neighbors. We are entitled to a safe, healthy, sanitary, and respectful community with economic and retail diversity.