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Hello <<First Name>> ♡ I've written a few stories this week that I wanted to share with you, friend. I've been traveling lots over the new year period- so the first one is all about that and what it has taught me. Or the queer tarot project on tour...

The second story is a bit about what my depression some times looks like, feeling tired and vulnerable. Not related to tarot but me (writing) talking myself out of a blue spell.

And thirdly I wrote a wee tiny post about freaking about sending out this email since I’ve not emailed anyone for a few months.  I’ve been listening to Ira Glass on storytelling and it pushed me over the edge to finally publish this email.

EXCITING NEWS- NEW CONTRIBUTOR COMING NEXT WEEK - Talking more about Queer tarot stuff! I’m excited!

I've included the first half of each story in this email. I hope you enjoy xxx

Excerpt Story 1: “That’s okay, it’s been my pleasure having your stay. Now I can say I hosted and artist.”

I don’t think this person knew how much these words meant to me. I know I’ve written a little about imposter syndrome before but when I accept gifts or help from others it is always the first voice in my head with the microphone. One I am slowly learning how to turn the volume down on.

Over 6 months ago a wonderful human messaged me about participating in my tarot deck, I responded as I have done with quite a large number now of other cards. “Here’s how the queer tarot deck Im making works and thank you for messaging me – where do you live?”

I’ve never considered myself a professional photographer, I’ve been in front of a camera far more it feels like, than I’ve been behind it. Some of my favourite photos have been pure flukes or magical creations by my camera which I have unconsciously facilitated.

We email back and forth sporadically many more times over the following few months and I like how this person communicates and writes, telling me a story that maybe one day I can share. We move off email to chat and still barely know who I’m talking to but I’m excited about the thought of meeting them.

A queer tarot photography tour. Well that’s what a real artist would have called it. Visiting different towns and cities and taking pictures of magical queers, capturing their magick amd stories to tell through tarot into the future. That’s what an artist does.

Read the rest of the story here.

Story 2: Today is not a good day.

I’ve had almost a month of good days save a few at the end of December as I adjusted to not working. Today I feel alone today I feel like I’m going to be alone for ever and that that feels like a terrible thing. Now I know in my head that even if I were to be, it is neither good nor bad. I can create happiness in myself and I’ve proven that to myself so being alone is neither here nor there. But today it feels like a huge weight, a feeling of dread. A feeling that I have so much love to give, such a strong desire for love and personal connection that it feels bottled up like a huge sadness.
I feel like my emotions and my head are at odds.

I still feel the greif in my heart from my last relationship. It’s now almost been as long that I was in a relationship that I’m now out of one. That baffles me. It feels like all I wish for is to love. Letting go of attachment especially to things not good for me. Maybe I need to find a way to redirect, redefine or love in a way that doesn’t require me to have one person love me back. Polyamory has been in and out of my life over the years. I care deeply for the humans I have had in my life but I have not been “in love” outside of monogamy. I’m happy for that to change – for patterns to break but my little heart is scared and sceptical. Love feels like an emotion that is bigger than my body or my mind being made up of the combination.

Being tired brings out that tiny percentage in me that wants fingers to touch my skin in a way that makes my heart race. It craves the feeling of my skin tingling and all my hairs standing on end at the sound if a beloved’s voice whispering beautiful sounds into my ear. It feels like being cold in the middle of winter, hearing the rain or the wind whistling around the walls and windows and snuggling deeper into each other’s arms. Tenderness, vulnerability and a desire to see and be seen.

Right now I’m staying some place where I don’t feel comfortable being openly out, and talking about it at all. When I decide to go somewhere or do something I have the blissful freedom of just running off and doing it. A freedom I’ve also wanted when I’ve felt trapped. I don’t fully know if I am inherently simply craving the thing which I do not currently have. I catch myself here – thinking back to earlier today when I pulled myself up out of my self indulgent melancholia to be present, to love, participate and enjoy all the beauty and wonders immediately around me.

In the Rocky Mountains somehow that felt a little easier than it does now lying in the dark on a couch im some strangers house. The majestic mountains as the glisten in the sun almost touching the blueness of the sky. Standing at the bus stop waiting for a few minutes to tick by I feel small and unimportant next their grandeur. A feeling which makes all other feelings cease to matter.

Read the rest of the story.

QUEER TAROT - 7 of Swords
We’re in an old growth forest, Squamish territory, what is now called colonial British Columbia. We’re sitting on a nurse log, with our local ginseng panex and we’re at Witch camp.
It is about that choice to step out and be yourself when group think and the over culture is crowding you, binding you, imprisoning you. Its the choice to be authentic and true to yourself. Its associated with Moon in Aquarius. 
View more

Queering the 8 of Cups

Astrologically I’m a triple Leo, so you’d never know that I’d pick this card. When it’s really hot in the summer, there are plants that go into hibernation; the grasses that die back, they’re still alive, but in hibernation so to speak, in a quiet phase; right after a forest fire has gone through, where everything is still in the forest, before it will all get born again. Full interview

I’ve designed the back of the Queer Tarot Cards to include as many of the queer community flags I could find and verify (still not 100% sure on all of them) and symbols that represent gender, and sexuality.  Here is a list of what I’ve used, which is correct to the best of my knowledge.  Please let me know if any corrections are required. CHECK OUT THE LIST OF FLAGS HERE:

Click to check out the newly uploaded Queer Tarot Cards
Copyright © 2019 The Rockwell Project, All rights reserved.


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