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Is this real?
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Hello <<First Name>> my friend ♡ 

I pinch myself, how is this possible, how did this happen so fast and is it really true.
This is really my critic speaking.  I’ve spent the last 2 years learning and preparing for this moment, I’ve been wishing, talking about and manifesting this energy in my life.  So many false starts testing my commitment to what I’ve really asked for. This is what I wanted and how disrespectful am I, if the moment it is presented to me, I shun it saying, “oh but I’m not ready yet”.  Maybe I am not but if one was always waiting to be ready that day would never come. Being ready means being in it, being open to failure being open to hurt or vulnerability - which by the same token is love.  So here I am not ready and doing it anyway.

I want to fall in love, I want intimacy and love and connection, yet half of my brain had settled into a happy equilibrium of being alone, knowing I could go where ever I wanted, and do what ever I wanted at any time.  The feeling of knowing that my emotional state of mind is steady and pretty even, not spiked or worried by anything.  Now I feel out of control. That is what it is, I feel out of control of my feelings.   I don’t know what is happening right now, except that it is exciting, overwhelming and really really sweet.  Working through believing this is real, working through believing that I do actually deserve love and the attentions of someone who wants to be with me.  It feels like it is all moving really fast and my scared, fearful self wants to put the breaks on because I am not in control. Realistically being in control is the problem, the world is always changing around me. I worked through this with the uncertainty of my van repairs.  I was out of control of how incredibly slowly things were happening so I threw myself headfirst into everything else. Letting go that feeling of panic, worry and needing to know when it would be finished.  It didn’t always work and I didn’t always have a good night’s sleep but it helped. 

So how do I do that with my heart.  I’ve met a lovely woman who is gentle, caring and longing for intimacy in a relationship space that is a safe space to share emotions and be seen.   As I write that - this description sounds like me, and if feels overwhelming put into words.

I've only included a wee bit of this story in this email. If feels vulnerable sharing the unknown future and how I feel about it with you. You can click to read the rest of this knowing I trust you. xxx
QUEER TAROT - Ace of Cups
My name is Coyote, and we are in Evans Lake at BC witch camp on the traditional lands of the Sḵwx̱wú7mesh people. I chose to shoot the Ace of Cups for the Queer Tarot Deck. The idea, the image the feeling I get from the quenching. The drawing in from that cup, it pulls at me. For me that cup is the happiness within that I am trying to find and drink from to nourish myself. I fill my cup with time with beloveds, time out in the wilds, swimming, prayers. Read more

Queering the Knight of Cups

I've been playing around with the card design - here I've created slightly new borders for the cards and a section at the bottom for the name of the card.  The Queer Tarot facebook group has been an absolute killer support during this process. I've share all the versions I've made and got amazing feedback.  It brings be back do doing this project WITH you, not just for you.  This project is a community effort.  Thank you!

Click to check out the newly uploaded Queer Tarot Cards
Copyright © 2019 The Rockwell Project, All rights reserved.


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