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Letter from the Executive Director - Kim Humphrey

Dear Friends,
 
If you are reading this, it is likely you know someone that suffers from Substance Use Disorder (addiction).  According to the most recent National Drug use/abuse survey, over 10% of the adult population admits to using illicit drugs. Over 20 million are diagnosed with Substance Use Disorder. And although drug overdoses take the lives of about 70,000 annually, we also know that over 90,000 annually lose their lives due to alcohol abuse.
 
I have found it interesting that since I started openly discussing this issue with people, I have yet to come across someone who does not respond with a story of their own.  I recently spoke at an event and as I was walking out, a gentleman in a business suit with tears in his eyes stopped me and began to tell me about his sister and her struggles with her adult children. He had never heard of PAL or talked openly about how it had impacted his family.   Part of PAL’s overall effort is to bring awareness to this issue and break the stigma surrounding it so that we can have open discussions and break down the judgement that accompanies those who suffer from the disease of addiction.
 
We have a long way to go.  Feeling guilt and shame over having a loved one with addiction is typical and understandable. However, as we learn in PAL, it is not your fault and to have a healthy response sometimes, we must forgive ourselves first in order to move forward.  This newsletter has plenty of great information and I hope you take the time to read each of the articles including our parent testimonial and blogs. Please check out the K-Love call to action. This is highlighted below and you can help get PAL advertised in your community with a simple email. 
 
Probably foremost on my mind is the upcoming PAL banquet on October 26th in Phoenix, Arizona. This is our opportunity to spread awareness and help build support to meet PAL’s vision of bringing meetings wherever they are needed.  Please consider coming and joining us. If you are out of state, we will take care of your banquet ticket cost. And, for those in and around Arizona, we truly want to share this evening with you.  We will hear from the Arizona Attorney General, a state representative and of course PAL parents.  It truly is an amazing event where you can “Discover Hope,” and feel a part of making a difference in the lives of hurting families. I look forward to seeing you there!
 
God Bless,
Kim

Codependency - Part 3
PAL  Blogger: 

by Ron Paterik

In our quest for freedom from our codependent thinking and behavior, it is important to remember that the codependent seeks to control others while those in recovery seek to control themselves. The shift from other control to self control is a signal of true growth. Other factors critical in our healing are:

HONEST ACKNOWLEDGEMENT  All healing starts here, with truth.  We must lay aside our excuses, fear and rationalizations and with honesty and courage accept the truth about ourselves.  You can’t heal what you continue to hide or deny.
UNDERSTANDING OUR RELATIONAL HISTORY - We also must understand the origins of our codependent behavior; gain a new perspective and move on.  Through forgiveness and grief work we can heal, instead of numbing our souls from the pain of the past.

Read More
PAL's Store 
Check It Out!
PAL shirts, mugs, and other swag can be purchased online! Check it out and let us know what we should add! Items may be purchased to help promote PAL and share the great work PAL does.  The store is run by a third party and PAL receives a portion of the proceeds from all purchases.

Click here to see what’s for sale
No longer carrying his burdens
Parent Testimonial

We have been blessed with one son and two daughters. We have always been so thankful to God that I could be a stay-at-home-mom. We worked very hard to make that happen. We were very intentional in raising our kids in a home with strong Christian values. I taught my daughters' Rainbows class and my husband taught our son's Royal Rangers class at church. Never in our wildest dreams could we have imagined that the pain and trials of addiction would enter our lives.
               Our son started experimenting with drugs when he was 14. He absolutely loved riding BMX bikes and was out with his buddies from sun-up until sundown. He always had a lot of friends and preferred to be with them over his family. We thought that was normal teenage behavior until he was gone more and more, and his behavior became erratic and rebellious. At this time, addiction never entered our minds. We thought he was just being young and partying and this would pass.
               Things went from bad to worse. He started getting in trouble with the law. This was heartbreaking for us. We blamed ourselves. We kicked him out numerous times, only to allow him to come back to the same vicious cycle. Our son and our whole family were being destroyed. Both of our daughters suffered from terrible anxiety, and our youngest daughter became very ill. We felt so guilty because we always put them on the back burner as it took all our time, energy, and money to help our son. His addiction was running our lives.
               The stress became unbearable. I went to see my doctor and opened up about our family struggles. To my surprise, she also opened up, and that is when she told me about PAL. We went to our first meeting one week later. It is no exaggeration when I say that our lives have completely changed for the better for us and our son.
               PAL taught us that we needed help just as much as our son. We thought as his loving parents, it was our job to do anything and everything to keep him out of trouble. All these years we thought we were helping him by allowing him to live with us, giving him rides, and paying his bills so he would have a perfect credit score. We like to say we were a well-oiled enabling machine! We learned we were, actually, hurting him by protecting him from the painful consequences that were a result of his addiction.
               We have learned to set boundaries and treat our son like the 28-year-old man that he is. We have given him over to God's care and let go of trying to control him. We no longer carry his burdens for him. We love him dearly and are learning to show him by encouraging him, praying for him, believing in him, and respecting his decisions whether we agree with them or not. Our recovery is of utmost importance to us because we know it not only benefits us, but our family as a whole.
               We have also learned to separate the disease of addiction from the person affected by it. We were so terrible to him. We said so many hurtful things out of our frustration and anger. We have asked him to forgive us. We now know the behavior and poor decisions result from his addiction, not from his heart!
               We go to our PAL meeting every week. The education is phenomenal and works when we put it into practice. It keeps us accountable and strong. We are thankful for the commitment and dedication of our facilitators. We are thankful for the wonderful friends we have made and the strong bond we have with our group. They are all walking in our shoes, and what a gift it is to talk to those who fully understand.
               Our son is serving 12 months in prison for his second DUI. Through our PAL education, we look at this as a positive step for him toward sobriety and recovery if he so chooses. It is so comforting to know there are so many in the recovery community he can reach out to for help. It is a blessing when we receive letters from him. He even sends them to both of his sisters and brother-in-law. We pray every day he grows stronger in his relationship with God. We pray every day he chooses sobriety and recovery.
               Proverbs 15:22 is a Bible verse that sums up PAL to us. "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." We thank God every day for the hope, joy, and freedom we have found through the PAL organization.

Pal Parent

Mark Your Calendars - October 26, 2019
Please join us for the Fifth Annual Hope Banquet on Saturday, October 26 at the Sheraton Crescent Hotel in Phoenix.

This year the event is titled "Discover Hope" as we celebrate the amazing journey to finding hope in these extraordinary times!

Event Highlights: 
  • NEW THIS YEAR: Award Recognition for Advocate of the Year, Partner of the Year and Volunteer of the Year
  • Inspirational speakers, including remarks by Arizona Attorney General Mark Brnovich
  • An amazing silent auction with one-of-a-kind items
  • Fun evening with music, fabulous food and wonderful people

Tickets are $60 per person
$500 per table of ten
CLICK HERE

If you are traveling to Phoenix from out of state for the HOPE Banquet, let us know - your event tickets can be comped by an event sponsor!

Looking forward to sharing this very special evening together!
 
 
Sponsorship opportunities are still available!
For more info email development@palgroup.org
 
 If you are interested in volunteering for the banquet, please send us an email, including your name and how you would like to help. Send email to admin@palgroup.org
The story that keeps on touching lives
When K-LOVE/Air1 radio personality Dan Beck came to the PAL office in August to tape an interview with Kim and Michelle Humphrey about their story and the impact the organization had on their lives, no one could have guessed the far-reaching effects that half-hour show might have.
 
The show, “Closer Look,” originally aired in Phoenix Aug. 18. But then, it was rebroadcast in Tucson Sept. 8; and rebroadcast again on Aug. 18 in Kingman, AZ. Each time, the story introduced new areas to PAL and the impact it has on families.
 
One example of that impact came shortly after one of the rebroadcasts. We got this note from a facilitator:
“We had a first-time parent to PAL meeting last night. She heard about PAL from listening to K-LOVE in the car. She said the timing of this was perfect because she was just talking to her family in the car about what to do about helping their addicted son. That’s when the K-LOVE broadcast came on and she immediately looked up PAL when she got home.  She called me Thursday last week, and I told her about the seminar. She attended on Saturday and came to our meeting last night. Praise God!”
YOUR CALL TO ACTION for K-LOVE/Air1:

Would you like your local K-LOVE/Air1 station to rebroadcast the interview about PAL so hurting parents in your community can hear it?
 Take a moment to click on this link right NOW –
dbeck@kloveair1.com – to send an email to host Dan Beck that he can forward to network management, encouraging them to share the interview across the country to change lives with this program!
What it takes to achieve long-term recovery
PAL Blogger:
By Sean, In Recovery

       The insidious nature of the disease of addiction centers in the addict’s mind, purging rationality, critical thinking, and common sense, when exposed to substances. Addicts and non-addicts experience consequences differently.  A non-addict might receive a DUI due to alcohol intoxication and decide to put down drinking for good or modify their behavior as a result. The addict simply has lost the mental capacity to do so. In the face of relationship loss, job loss, financial instability, homelessness, emotional and physical health complications, even their very own liberty and freedom, we will still return to the substance to satiate the intense phenomenon of craving we experience… that devilish need to scratch a seemingly unreachable itch. Oftentimes, due to the line of work I’m in and my own personal history, family members will ask me what it takes to achieve long-term recovery.  They want to know what signs they might look for in their loved ones that may indicate they are ready to begin the lifelong journey of sobriety, emotionally and physically. While there may not be a perfectly definitive answer to these questions, there certainly are common threads and indicators that someone is reaching out for help, or contemplating doing so. Included in this blog are some examples of behaviors, and some practical suggestions that may place you in a position to be supportive of these recovery-oriented behaviors in a healthy way.

        First, and if I’m being authentic, probably most importantly, the intrinsic motivation for recovery is worth its weight in gold. While you may wish you could give this to someone (this internal drive to actively accept suggestions and take steps toward changing their life), the fact remains that this is simply impossible. In PAL and other support groups we can learn strategies to help others to put themselves in places where they are more likely to be intrinsically motivated.  But forcing, coercing, or begging them is futile and counterproductive. Simply take a step back and re-evaluate. You’ve probably heard the term rock bottom; this is a vital step in the path towards that motivation. Once we are beaten, broken, and at the end of our rope, we are that much more likely to take steps toward affecting change on our own.

Read More
Watch videos of our most recent Family Education Seminar on YouTube and Facebook!

 

Pay it Forward...
Share the Blessings
Thank you for your support of
PAL's Annual Share the Blessings Campaign - 
this year we raised over $10,000!


A portion of these funds will go back to the PAL Groups
who participated to help with marketing or purchasing books for the group. In addition, funds will continue to support
PAL Groups across the US.
Thank you!

 
Copyright © 2019 PAL - Parents of Addicted Loved Ones, All rights reserved.


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