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Letter from the Executive Director - Kim Humphrey

Dear Friends,

It's June…and that means summertime! We are halfway through 2019 already! PAL started off 2019 with a bang with about 30 meetings starting in less than a couple months. Jump ahead to April, and we were on our way to Kentucky for the first PAL Midwest conference and banquet. We had over 250 people from 11 states show up to celebrate PAL, learn some new things and overall share the blessing of hope. I can say that we continue to be amazed at the never-ending dedication of volunteers and how many people want to give back to PAL for how it helped them through arguably the toughest times in their lives. I met so many people that shared their journey renewing the enthusiasm needed to continue with our vision to bring PAL meetings wherever they are needed.

If you are curious as to what’s happening here at the PAL office, we are excited that we are able to bring on a full time Communications Director. Dinah Brooks comes to PAL with a long history of marketing, communications and other skills. She has been doing some free-lance work for us but now we can truly put our efforts in to expanding awareness and supporting our existing groups as well as help reach new communities. We are working now to leverage media and marketing to help spread the word about PAL meetings and hopefully move us from being a best kept secret, to a readily available resource people can turn to as a line of defense in this nationwide drug crisis.

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PAL Blog: Codependency
by Ron Paterik

Much has been written on the subject since Melody Beattie’s groundbreaking book, Codependent No More. It is a word that has entered into the vernacular of our culture and is often misconstrued and misapplied. Below is an outline of some of the basic elements of codependency. Hopefully, you will find it helpful.

Clarifying the Issue

Codependency is complex.
Codependency is a negative coping strategy.
Codependency is an addiction to people with problems.

Codependents endeavor to rescue people with problems from the consequences of poor choices,but end up being driven by the need to controlothers. They thereby avoid their own pain with the hope of gaining approval and love. Codependents confuse approval and being needed with love.

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AMAZON Benefits PAL
It's easy, and it's free and it helps PAL! click here.

Next sign in using your normal Amazon username and password.  Amazon will prompt you to select an organization, type in: Parents of Addicted Loved Ones. Select PAL and after you complete the process, make sure at top left of page, you see orange letters "Supporting" and to the right of that it should say Parents of Addicted Loved Ones (PAL) in white.

That is it! You're now correctly signed up. Simply always go to https://smile.amazon.com/to sign in and make your Amazon purchases and by doing so you are helping to support PAL.  There is no cost to you!
A PAL Grandparent’s Story
My journey with my addicted granddaughter

My granddaughter has struggled for seven with substance abuse.  This is including one previous stint in a rehab from which she was terminated, three detoxes and several visits to the county jail.  She recently graduated from a yearlong rehab program and is now employed as an admissions assistant there and is soon to be promoted. With a history of always sabotaging her own success in the past, this was the first major thing she has ever completed in her 27 years of life. When I attended her graduation ceremony, she gave a 12-minute speech to a group of about 150-200 folks, which included other graduates, those about to graduate in a few months, newly admitted people as well as family members, the CEO, and other board members. I recorded it on my phone and have watched it many times, because there are some things she said that grabbed my attention.  I fully believe that the thoughts of an addict in recovery might be helpful to others who are trying to get their loved ones to seek recovery.  It can also help parents understand why it isn't us who will get through to them. As Mike has said in his book and in his training videos, they need adult coping skills, but it won't be their parents that they look to for that. I've learned a tremendous amount about myself that could be learned no other way. 

I have capitalized the phrases she used, that really resonated with me. The thoughts she sparked in me are highlighted in red. This is quite lengthy, but I believe she confirms what PAL teaches us. My granddaughter did not go to rehab because of what I learned through PAL though. I chose to be a PAL facilitator because PAL teaches what God had already taught me over the course of a year sitting at His feet, allowing Him to expose my own issues.  This only strengthened my determination to learn how to truly help my granddaughter. God had already shown me what to do. PAL explains why, and I'm better equipped to share with others.

Here are the excerpts from her speech:

 

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Mark Your Calendars - October 26, 2019
The Annual Banquet Needs Volunteers!
PAL’s 5th Annual Banquet will be called “Discover Hope” and we look forward to utilizing this special day to bring the message of PAL to more and more families in need.

Each year, there are around 60 volunteer positions to fill. Therefore, one of the things that will be required for the event will be volunteers. We will need people to help with all sorts of things:

Greeters
Check-in
Decorations set-up
Tear down
Finding Sponsors
Silent auction
Raffle ticket sales

 If you are interested in being of service to PAL on the day of the banquet, please email admin@palgroup.org. Please include your name
and the portion of the banquet you would like to help with.

We would be eternally grateful for the help!
PAL Blog: SPIRIT, MIND, BODY
By Sean, In Recovery

Disengaging from the twisted narrative of a loved one struggling with addiction can seem insurmountable. Instinctually, when someone close to us falls, fails, or finds themselves in the grips of mental/emotional illness or disease, our first reaction is often to dive in headfirst and become a human life preserver. Unfortunately, without proper education and instruction, our attempts at rescuing are in vain, ultimately transforming into detrimental behaviors that enable others and ourselves to stay sick. In PAL, CODA, and 12-step groups we discuss the pitfall of codependency often. I’ve yet to meet an addict or family member of an addict who hasn’t struggled in some way with varying degrees of codependent behavior. Sometimes it would seem that humanity in general inherently has codependent behaviors ingrained in our DNA. Practical application of various differing therapies, strategies, and self-care seem to be the most effective in combating these ineffectual attempts to pull someone out of the darkness on our own power.

The first step in working toward a solution is recognizing the problem, owning it, and surrendering to the fact that we may not know what’s best for someone else, or even ourselves. I’ve found in my personal life that most people, including myself, must learn things the hard way. That usually means failing repeatedly until we find ourselves beaten into a position of powerlessness where we can reach out and ask for help. The journey of recovery begins with the simple step of asking someone else, who has been on the path before you, to guide you along the way. While you might often feel weak and defenseless alone, together we are made strong by our shared admissions of defeat and willingness to move forward. That’s where support groups come in. By creating a safe space to share your feelings and express your frustrations, we foster a sense of community and shared struggle where others can provide experience, strength and hope. Abandon yourself to these people! Learn to let others love you when you can’t seem to love yourself. When your attempts to control or rescue others frustrates you enough, you can find yourself in a position to learn something new and grow.

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THANK YOU!
You responded to help families
search for HOPE!
Thank you from the bottoms of our hearts!

Together, on #AZGives Day, we raised $26,241!!

YOUR donations will help to expand PAL meetings in
communities across the country that do not have PAL resources.
 You have helped families searching for answers and hope!

THANK YOU!!!
Have you noticed?
PAL has produced a number of educational and
inspirational videos in the past few months!

Check them out on YouTube or Facebook by following the links below.
We also read all the comments that get submitted.
Please feel free to leave a comment below any
video you find helpful, and give us suggestions
or further topics we should cover!
Copyright © 2019 Parents of Addicted Loved Ones, Inc., All rights reserved.


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