Integrated Energy Therapist Veronica Tugwood
shares her thoughts on Forgiveness
I often get questions from individuals looking to release an old pattern or hurt. Forgiveness can be especially difficult to understand when the person who hurt you seems to have no awareness about the pain they have caused, or has chosen even with knowledge to not apologize. This leads us to feel less than, rejected, lost, and as though we are not enough. Forgiveness can sometimes feel as though we are letting them off the hook, and accepting poor behaviour or even endorsing it. However, there are important things to understand about forgiveness.
The most important thing to understand is that to hold onto an old hurt is really only hurting ourselves. When we do this we live in the past, locked into an epic battle, where forward movement becomes more and more difficult, while carrying this “baggage” from the past. In essence we punish ourselves with the pain of the past with no real impact on the person we are hurt by. It has been likened to hitting ourselves but expecting the other to feel the pain. Secondly forgiveness is a genuine gift for ourselves. It benefits the forgiver the most, and releases them from continuing to carry the old pain with them. But what does forgiveness mean?
To forgive is to chose to release yourself from the event. It is rooted in a time that is not now, the past, and as long as you choose to hold onto it, you continue to stay in the past. Then with each interaction, the past is what dictates how you will perceive the situation. It does not allow for new information to be available. Without realizing this we will continue to expect and unwittingly attract the same behaviours and connections with others. So releasing the past is what creates changes in our future.
To forgive also does not indicate that the behaviour was OK. It does not allow for justifications of others, that it is acceptable to treat you poorly. Forgiveness is a clear indicator for ourselves that that action is now over and we will no longer accept the same kind of treatment. It is a real letting go of the past, so that it no longer dictates the future. And sometimes forgiveness asks of us that we no longer connect with the person who has hurt us. Forgiveness isn't a "forgive and forget" story because to forget denies us learning and growing from the event. We must fully learn from any event what the key factors in our behaviour which may have been allowing for such a negative experience, and we must then commit to no longer allowing this energy back into our lives. This only comes from learning, not forgetting.
The most important step in the forgiveness process is to set up for a better and brighter future. Once we have released the past, we then need to get clear on what we do want in our life, and put out attention to that. As focus is one of our strongest creative forces, we must focus on the positive, and the areas in our life that are working. If we can keep our attention to the good and express gratitude for these things, we then are sure to invite more of this, and less of what we do not enjoy.
Forgiveness makes your future lighter and brighter. A true gift to yourself!
Did you know that Veronica provides workshops too? Watch for her information in our upcoming events.
For more information about Veronica Tugwood and Integrated Energy Therapy, click here.