I didn’t get to write and send a newsletter last week. I was literally knocked down by grief. At this time last week I was still (and am still) grieving the loss of our beloved cat Trudie and new grief entered that already tender space. Our other cat is experiencing intense grief that has resulted in three weeks of not being able to sleep through the night (waking up to wailing). An extended family member died after an intense five year battle with aggressive breast cancer. Liz died at the age of 52 and leaves behind three children who miss her deeply. She was the youngest sister of my sister-in-law, the one who just recently completely treatment for breast cancer. As you can imagine, she is completely devastated. To add more into the mix, my Aunt Liz (my mother’s sister) is still navigating bladder cancer treatment. She is exhausted from being poked, prodded, treated and having to deal with the side effects of “treatment.” 

The above isn’t what knocked me out. What knocked me out was processing what my loved ones are being told by others. I felt grief and anger as my loved ones told me that their immediate circle of friends and family were telling them to be strong for their kids, siblings and partners. They got the message that it’s ok to grieve but by no means are they allowed to “fall apart.” Nope, they were/are being told to “hold it together” because that’s what their parting loved one “would want.” After hearing all of this and feeling it in my body, I felt exhausted. Not to mention the exhaustion of holding back lots of “WTAF?!!” And yet this terrain was all too familiar. I remember, both as a grieving child and as a young adult, being told by well-meaning others that I had to figure out how to keep living and to not wallow in grief too long. That messaging resulted in me NOT turning to people for comfort when I experienced future grief. It felt much more safe to grieve in a container of privacy.

And so this past week, I became the “deviant” messenger…inviting my loved ones to feel what they feel, to not hold, cajole or prevent falling apart. In fact, they could feel free to fall apart because “falling apart” is an honest and real expression and experience of grief. I got some backlash for making such a bold offering. My loved ones resisted (and that is OK) and told me instead that, “I need to be strong.” To which I said, “there is immense strength in being honest about your feelings and allowing yourself to feel them without laboring to control them.” The truth is, “falling apart” in our grief causes others discomfort. We do not know, in general, how to be with each other in moments of emotional intensity. I long for us all to experience the truth that poignancy is kinship. There is so much healing in simply being with someone when they are in pain. Not to be in a role of fixer, adviser, or even comfort-er. Just simply feel and be. 

Grief is exhausting. There is no way around that. I am grateful that I got to be exhausted with the people I love. I am grateful that I loved Trudie so much that the grief around her absence has knocked me to my knees and out onto the floor.  I am so grateful that I don’t have the same old impulse to withdraw and grieve in private. I am immensely grateful for the beautiful people in my life who are able to BE with me in my grieving process. My grief is moving from a tiny contracted container to a more open and vast space without boundaries or constraints. It’s been three weeks and the grief is still pretty raw. I am grateful that I am not pushing myself to be strong or to move on. I am choosing to move at the pace of grief. And she is very slow. She is trudging. And that is OK. I am telling the truth. I can’t defend against grief or deny its pervasive presence in my life. What I can do is feel the grief and continue to reach for connection when and how I can. For me these days, dancing in community is offering a safe way to grieve while making space for the joy of dancing with others - which reminds me of the potency of life and aliveness.    

In the spirit of the potency of life and aliveness, this Sunday I am so honored to guide a class to celebrate our beloved community member, Karlene Johnson. Today is Karlene’s birthday and she and I have co-created a special playlist for Sunday’s class to honor her birthday. Karlene has spent the past year navigating cancer. Throughout surgery and treatment she kept dancing whenever she could. Karlene was both the recipient of and a member of our “angel detail” (coined by our community member Peih Chiang) - a small group of us that not only dance together, but hold space to cry, laugh, love, pray/visualize, and simply be in kinship with one another. Karlene’s compassion is wide, deep, and full. We love you Karlene and are thrilled to celebrate your aliveness and to nourish the seeds of the qualities and energies you wish to invite into your life in the year ahead. We will Flourish with you! 


A reminder that my Wednesday classes for the month of August are Nia classes. 

And, stay tuned for exciting news. I am almost ready to open my books to schedule SomaSoul Somatic Therapy clients. I am getting ready to graduate in the fall- squeals! SomaSoul® Somatic Therapy is a blend of body-centered Gestalt therapy (relational, sensory and holistic), expressive arts (drawing and movement), contemplative (mindfulness-based) practices, and polyvagal theory (supporting the nervous system). SomaSoul is a “non-traditional” therapy route, which means I will not be taking insurance, but I will offer tiered pricing. SomaSoul centers the body while giving a spacious invitation for "talk therapy," left-brain expression in the form of art and movement, and provides many different pathways to regulating the nervous system. It's incredibly powerful and above all, gentle and trauma-sensitive.

If you think you may be interested in working with me as a client or know someone that may be interested, please email me. My deep desire is to create the space to work primarily with People of Color (POC). Many of us (POC) have not had rest and respite from personal and communal dysregulated nervous systems that have affected our bodies and psyches. Being a resource and guide for those of us who have been marginalized, minimized and have experienced social trauma (layered on top of personal) is deeply personal and a soul calling. I am excited to begin seeing SomaSoul clients sometime in the Fall :).

Classes this week - Sunday at 10:00AM PDT and Wednesday at 4:00PM PDT

• Sunday, August 14 at 10:00AM PDT - Somos Luceros – Dance of Flourishing: An Embodied Exploration of Joy, Aliveness, Presence, Self-Compassion, Connection & Gratitude
• Wednesday, August 17 at 4:00PM PDT - Embodied Movement Explorations for Body Wisdom and Wellness - Emotions and Our Three Body Weights (from Nia Technique).

Deeply grateful for this community,
Jennifer

• Somos Luceros on Sundays at 10AM PDT 
• Embodied Movement Explorations in Body Wisdom & Wellness on Wednesdays at 4PM PDT 
• ArcanaDance - next workshop TBA