Newsletter #1 -
Life measured in tangerines
Welcome to the Newsletter, a new monthly chunk of bonus wafflings for you. Sometimes I get stage fright out there in the big bad blog word, so I thought this could be a quieter space to chat, harking back to the cosy days when it was just perverts and nerds online.
For the past five years I've worked in an office with half a dozen awesome ladies. After half a decade there's lots of rhythm, ritual and strangely comforting repetition in our conversations. My favourites are the fruity ones that pop up at either 10am or 3pm. The team members have varied but the chat always goes pretty much the same way:
The apple conversation
- You know I ate an apple five minutes ago and I'm hungry again already.
- I had an apple too! It didn't even touch the sides.
- Why do we bother with apples? They don't fill you up at all.
- I think we've had this apple conversation before haven't we?
- Yes. It happens every six months or so.
- Well, they never get any better do they.
The banana conversation
- Oh! Bloody hell! Don't you hate it when your banana is too ripe.
- Yes. Sickly sweet.
- And slightly warmed from the central heating.
- They need to have a touch of green about them.
- Actually... I prefer mine a little overdone.
- Really? That would give me the boak.
The tangerine (or mandarin, or satsuma) is my personal symbol of hope. I measure the Scottish winter by the tastiness level of small, easy-peel citrus.
The tangerine conversation
a) Early December edition
- Oh lordy... this tangerine is so good.
- I had a good one today too! It was so sweet and perfect!
- You know what that means. When the tangerines start tasting amazing it means Christmas is on its way! Fun is coming. We will survive these dark days.
b) Mid-February edition
- Argh! This tangerine is disgusting!
- Ooh did you get a bad one? I had a bad one today, too.
- It's all stringy and musty-tasting.
- But that's a good thing. When the tangerines start tasting shite it means spring is on its way!
After five years on the job I'm sure my colleagues want to deck me if they have to hear the Tao of Tangerine one more bloody time.
Speaking of spring...
... this is the portion of the programme where I will briefly pimp my wares. Tomorrow on the blog
I'll be giving away some places on the Spring Up & Running 5k & 10k courses
! I wanted to give you newsletter folks a heads-up. If you'd like the brilliant Coach Julia to get you running (with superlative support from yours truly), all you'll need to do is leave a comment telling us, if you had a secret superpower, what would it be?
I could choose some noble powers to end all wars and corporate tax dodging but I would probably secretly want something that allowed me to eat lots of cake without stacking on the lard.
The post will be up by lunchtime UK time - I'll announce it via the usual nerdly outlets, as listed there in the sidebar.
Thank you for joining the newsletter and here's to a rockin' rest-of-February!
Til next month,