What Would It Mean to You If People Thought You Were The Most Interesting, Attractive, and Magnetic Person in Any Room?
I have to tell you about an interesting thing that happened to me last week.
I was in Sedona for an event, and on the evening of my birthday (which happened to be last Monday) I was out with friends in the hot tub and pool celebrating and meeting new people.
During the middle of one of my conversations, someone who was a bonafide stranger (we had maybe interacted 1:1 for 5 minutes that day) came up to me and said:
â€œYou look stunning. Itâ€™s magnetic. I canâ€™t look away.â€
So, sure. Compliments are nice. So are strangers telling you they think youâ€™re magnetic. And we could easily close this email and call it a day by chalking it up to genetics.
But youâ€™re on this list, and you should know by now that we always go 10 steps deeper than that.
See, during my life Iâ€™ve noticed something absolutely fascinating to me.
That people who are good-looking..even great-looking..arenâ€™t necessarily the most charming, charismatic, or interesting people youâ€™d ever meet. Some of them are straight up the most BORING people Iâ€™ve ever met.
In fact, I can name 10 people right now for you who I think are gorgeous, stunning, handsome people but once you start talking to them, their attractiveness goes way down.
Seems kind of odd, doesnâ€™t it?
And even worse, we think things like weâ€™re not interesting enough...good-looking enough...sexy enough...funny enough...charming enough...name any enough you want! to talk to anyone we want and instantly connect with them or even choose the first pick of who we want to date and actually stay with them for the long term.
So What Makes The Difference?
Let me tell you another story.
When I was younger, my brother and I used to see my dad on the weekends. We would go to the mall, the movies, or somewhere out on Long Island near the water to spend our days together.
But at some point, my brother and I would end up alone...look at each other...and then realize Dad was goneâ€¦
...Only to be found talking to a group of strangers and making new friends, getting new clients, and starting a soiree right in the middle of the street.
How Did He Do It?
He didnâ€™t have a lot of money. He didnâ€™t dress in fancy suits--my dad builds motorcycles and walks around in Harley Davidson shirts all day. But I swear to you, he could talk to absolutely anyone and they instantly became his friend.
What Does He Have That Other People Donâ€™t?
Letâ€™s name the top 3.
#1: No shyness, and absolute confidence approaching anyone. I think instead of Dad adhering to the â€˜3 second ruleâ€™ (where you approach someone in 3 seconds or less) he adhered to the â€˜Just Do Itâ€™ rule. Never in my life did I see him hesitate when he approached anyone. He just went over there with a smile on his face and started talking.
#2: Always knew what to say to keep the conversation going, and build trust. Dad always, always, ALWAYS had a story up his sleeve--whether he was talking about his days in the Navy, plumbing (he can fix anything), or obsessing over his motorcycles or the car shows he loved going to, he was always able to instantly make the connection in the middle of a conversation to a story that engaged people and made them think he was the most interesting man theyâ€™d ever met. But he wasnâ€™t so talkative that he wouldnâ€™t listen, too--people always told him things they wouldnâ€™t tell anyone else and he gave them his full attention and support. This is what he did for us, too, as kids.
#3: Dad knew how to freaking close. Whether it was getting that personâ€™s contact information, meeting up with them again, or even getting a sale, Dad always transitioned into it as easily as an Olympic skater landing his jumps perfectly every time. It was never forced, never awkward, and when he made friends, he made them for life. In fact, anywhere my dad goes he knows someone, and that someone is always ready to do him a favor.
But Fel...Isnâ€™t All This Stuff Only For People Who Are â€˜Naturalsâ€™?
Just like we think success is something thatâ€™s inherent, we tend to think that people who are naturally gifted--especially with people--that theyâ€™re born with it. To an extent, some of that is true. But itâ€™s almost inevitable that our psychological baggage creeps in--like being self-conscious, suddenly not knowing what to say, fearing how people will judge us, and feeling crippled by the feelings of â€˜not smart enough, funny enough, tall enough, cute enough, interesting enough, and all the other enoughs you can think of.â€™
But I Guarantee You All Of This Can Be TAUGHT
Thereâ€™s actually something really interesting about people who are naturals. They tend to get caught in the â€˜expertâ€™s trapâ€™.
Think about itâ€¦
Whenever youâ€™ve gotten really, really good at something, there comes a point when you inevitably think: â€œHA! Done. Nothing else to learn.â€
If youâ€™re smart enough, youâ€™ll catch yourself and eat a slice of humble pie. But if youâ€™re like most people, youâ€™ll coast on your knowledge and never take it deeper. And that is the mistake that naturals make (myself once included).
I thought because I was â€˜naturallyâ€™ good at social skills that I didnâ€™t have anything else to learn. But then you start coming across people who are even more gifted than you are and you start to think: Hmmm...am I missing something? And itâ€™s usually the people who consciously practice something that end up surpassing anyone with â€˜naturalâ€™ talent, which Iâ€™ve seen happen over and over again in every area of life...
And Why Thereâ€™s Proof That No Matter How Shy, How Introverted, Or How â€˜I Canâ€™t Get Over How to Approach Strangersâ€™ You Are--That You Can Eventually Be More Interesting, More Magnetic, And More Attractive Than Anyone Who Thinks Theyâ€™re A â€˜Naturalâ€™
And this is why Iâ€™m writing to you today.
Lately on the blog we've been talking about How to Ask For What You Want, And Get What You Want, How to Have Random Conversations with Strangers You Meet, and How to Get People to Believe Youâ€™re The Most Interesting Person Theyâ€™ve Ever Met.
And I have an idea that I want to run by you.
But first, reply â€˜YESâ€™ or â€˜NOâ€™ to this question: Are you interested in learning how to be more confident (like having an actual step-by-step plan)...tell the most interesting stories to anyone you meet...approach anyone, anytime, anywhere to make new friends and date people who you are first choice (not your 2nd or 3rd)...and having a system so you can do it over and over and over again?
Just reply to this email with â€˜YESâ€™ or â€˜NOâ€™. If you say 'YES', I'd love to ask you a few questions via email. If you say â€˜NOâ€™, Iâ€™d love to hear why, or whatâ€™s missing for you.