Sometimes we find it incredibly hard to move on. However much our conscious rational mind tells us it’s time to go, we somehow just can’t do it.
That’s when there are unconscious hidden beliefs holding you back. It may be you fear someone will suffer deeply if you move on. It may be you fear your own success - or your failure. Usually what is holding us back is some deep-seated fear that we can hardly bear to look at.
When someone else stands in a constellation representing you, they do not carry the same taboos that you do. They do not hold the same fears so they can stand and say “I cannot leave my father there.” “Or if I go, I fear my mother will be all alone.” And it can be a painful relief to witness that part of yourself. The part that did not even allow yourself to recognise how much you hold yourself back.
Recently I’ve witnessed frequently in a constellation the impact of a death by a sudden and unexpected accident. Somehow the accident holds such tremendous power over the family that all any member can do is remember the dreadful and shocking way their beloved died. And somehow that takes over, so rather than rejoicing in their wonderful life the death becomes all. Once that happens it seems to keep many family members trapped and unable to move forward. We have had two or three sessions recently where those left behind have needed to take their time to say farewell to the departed and by fully attending to it, they are more able to remember the good life lived by their loved one and they can begin to let go of the manner of their passing.
This is not always possible but I have seen recently a few times when it has happened and it has absolutely freed people up to move forward in a different way